List of entries i commented on

Amber

- Schema in the park [18^th Mar 2008]

Jocelyn

- $700k body [22^nd Apr 2008]

- Normative conformity [29^th Mar 2008]

Caiying (CY)

- Why attractive women marry less attractive men [27^th Apr 2008]

Leslie

- Social impact theory [24^th Mar 2008]

Daphne

- Affordable trips to wherever you want to go [29^th Apr 2008]

Dax

- Rising divorce rate in Singapore [26^th Mar 2008]

Pinky

- Looking up or Looking down [8^th Apr 2008]

Jessica, Si Jie

- Attraction [1^st May 2008]

YY

- Procastination [16^th April 2008]

Friend or more than friend

Why would two parties get attracted to each other? How did they developed a closer relationship after attraction?

A couple of concepts such as propinquity, similarity and self-disclosure gives an idea on how attraction might occurs.

Propinquity refers to the proximity in physical space which creates the opportunity in meeting another person. The opportunity for interaction, known as functional distance, is more important in establishing mutual friendship.

Attitude similarity determines if two party like each other and whether they would disclose personal details about themselves, known as self-disclosure. Attitude-similarity effect is defined as the idea that people find others more attractive and well like when others have similar attitudes, beliefs and preference as them.

Attraction is said to be the initial step before a close relationship is developed through friends.

Intimacy can be seen in a close relationship when a person felt that another party is able to understand, validate, and cares. For intimacy to occurs, self-disclosure is said to be an important factor as it increases the understanding of the other party's needs. Being able to respond correctly to the person's feelings and needs will also develop a closer relationship. Lastly, ability in understanding the person's thoughts and experiences accurately would further heighten the relationship. This concept is known as empathic accuracy.

-article-

An article from the section "mind your body" in The Straits Time dated March 19, 2006 discussed about the issue on whether a married person striking up a close friendship with someone of the opposite gender meant anything.

From the article, it was said that people tend to notice when a married person develops a close friendship with another of the opposite gender. In addition, these perceptions were said not to be ignored as people do tend to have an affair through close friendship. People look for a mate that is similar to them in terms of factors such as views, values, attractiveness, and intelligence. Likewise, people also look for these factors in a friend. Friendship and romantic relationship have a tendency of having an overlapping criteria. Friendship that leads to romance happens because what people looks for in a mate overlaps with what people looks for in a friendship. A psychology professor at the University o f Wisconsin stated that companionship, intimacy and, often validation are factors that attracted the opposite gender. Thus, giving good reasons why husbands and wives feels unease about the temptations around their spouses as other attractions could results in complications for their marriage.

The article also briefly mentioned about the characteristics of a poacher. Base on personality scales, poachers are seen as disagreeable, unconscientious and unfaithful people and that the see themselves as sexually attractive. On the other hand, people that were successfully being attracted to another, known as poachee, is said to be extroverted, open to experience, attractive and unfaithful. Both seems to lack empathy, morality and are neurotic.

Suggested interventions to prevent being tempted are such as, putting a picture of your spouse on the desk and talk a lot about them, women should make a point in meeting their male friend's wife and men in meeting a woman friend's husband, and to silence wagging tongues, opposite-gender "just friends" should avoid sharing food over lunch or standing too close to each other.

In conclusion, a close friendship that leads to a romantic relationship or an affair when the party is married, is said to happen if two party shares a close proximity during work which develops into an opportunity for interaction. Similarity between two parties could also lead to deeper attraction between them. Intimacy is said to be seen in closer relationship among friends as they share with each other more personal stuffs, self-disclosure. Responding to the other party's needs and understanding their needs accurately would also reinforce the relationship that the party shares. Thus, there are sufficient reasons for people to be worried about their spouses close relationship with another.

perceiving the self and learned helplessness

A special report article focusing on the issue of size, was featured on the Saturday Straits Time, 29th March 2008. This special report narrated the life stories of several people that are big in size, usually obese. How these people cope with their weight and the comments that onlookers gave, how they lose their weight, their feelings on their weight and size.

Madam Saodah Osman, a 1.56m tall housewife weighing a massive 150kg until about four years ago was obese, depressed and in poor health. She shared with the journalist the amount of serving of food she had each meal was like a "hill" on her plate. Madam Saodah had post-natal depression after the birth of her youngest child. and her weight also rocketed since then. Despite spending thousand of dollars on pills, wraps, massages and slimming courses, her weight did not decrease. Instead, she started bingeing which resulted in the immense increase of weight. Due to her heavy weight, she developed a couple of ailments such as asthma, diabetes and hypertension. She even had difficulty in walking and breathing. Depressed, she attempted suicide on three occasions, swallowing 20 aspirins and eight sleeping pills before slitting her left wrist with a razor blade. But was fortunately being discovered by her younger son, thus saved. Eventually, Madam Saodah had to see a psychiatrist and her family had to keep all sharp objects from her view. Madam Saodah would also lock herself in the bedroom and refused to go out in fear of being laughed at. She narrated an occasion whereby she and her husband was in the lift together with two other women who started to gossip in Chinese, wondering to themselves how Madam Saodah's husband can bear to be with someone so hugh.

But Madam Saodah's life started to change when she became too heavy that she could not even walk. Doctors advised her to lose weight or else her organs and body would shut down. From then onwards, Madam Saodah sticked to a healthy regime of meal replacements and salads without dressing. She undergo a lap-band surgery and exercises every week. Madam Saodah is now happier, no longer suffering from depression, diabetes or hypertension. She can also walk without having to wheeze.

Several concepts can be seen in this article.

Madam Saodah's refusal to stepped out from her bedroom for fear of being ridicule could be explained by the looking glass self and social comparison theory.

Looking glass self is defined as the tendency to internalize other people's judgments about us into our self-concept. Madam Saodah might experience cases such as the two women in the lift commenting on her size as hugh. Thus, other people's judgment of her being hugh lead to her integrating a self-concept that she is hugh, enormous etc... which would eventually lead to her feeling down, disliking herself and having negative thoughts such as "she is an object of ridicule".

On the other hand, social comparison refers to the process of comparing ourselves to others in order to judge the self. Madam Saodah might also compare herself with her other relatives, friends or her husband's colleagues, whenever he brings her to his company's function. She might feel uncomfortable or put down whenever she saw others around her slimmer or that standing beside other people she seems so enormous. Which would also lead her to judge herself negatively.

Lastly, learned helplessness can be seen when Madam Saodah attempted to commit suicide on three occasions. When she had to be brought to the hospital every week due to feeling breathless and all the other ailments. Madam Saodah gave up on her weight and herself as she believe that she lacked of control in reducing the weight.

bystander effects can be deadly

An article featured on The New Paper on 29^th Mar 2008 reported a 10 year old girl who lives in Penang fell off her block of flats. The girl named Huang Jia Yin, was on her way home with her mum after tuition classes in school. Both of them separated halfway through as her mum needed to get groceries. Thus, Jia Yin went home alone. But instead of finding her daughter at home after getting the groceries, Jia Yin’s mother found her daughter sprawled at the foot of the block. The article reported that Jia Yin had fallen off the topmost floor in her block as her pink school bag was found on the corridor of the 13^th storey.

Upon reaching the foot of the block, Jia Yin’s mother pleaded with 10 or so onlookers to drive Jia Yin to the hospital. But none of the onlookers responded. Despite offering the option of driving their car to the onlookers, none of them responded. Jia Yin’s mum finally carried her to their car 45 minutes later. But by then, the ambulance had arrived. Jia Yin was pronounced dead half an hour earlier.

This article clearly shows a case of bystander effect. Bystander effect refers to the likelihood that an individual will intervene in an emergency goes down as the number of bystanders increases. The effect does not suggest that victims are less likely to receive help, but the probability that a particular person would step out and help despite having other onlookers around them.

Relating back to the article, there were about 10 onlookers as reported by the papers. But none actually stepped out to offer their help to the distraught mother. Instead, they just stand around, talked among themselves, discussing the event and watched. The action of the onlookers can be explained using the bystander effect theory.

Why does bystander effect occurs? What motivates a person to approach the victim and to offer their help?

For one to decide whether to help the victim, one would consider the followings. Firstly, the person must notice the situation that happened. An unusual and odd event usually catches people’s attention. One should also interpret whether the event was serious and was it an emergency. In additional, they should decide whether they are willing to accept any responsibility for helping as well as the right form of assisting the victim before implementing the action.

I supposed Jia Yin’s fall from her block caught the onlooker’s attention and that the onlookers should have felt that the fall was a serious fall and it was an emergency that their help would be greatly appreciated. A possibility why they might conclude that the fall was not serious might be none of the other onlookers responded to the mother’s plea. Thus, concluding that the fall was not as serious.

Personally, I felt that the key reason for the bystander effect to occur was that the onlookers were not willing to accept personal responsibility for helping. The presence of other onlookers would result in attributing lesser responsibility to themselves as well as relying on other onlookers to go forward and offer their help.

Therefore, without the motivation of wanting to bear the responsibility of their actions, onlookers would not be able think of the right form in assisting the victim and to implement the action.

Honestly, I felt that it does not make much sense for the onlookers to not see Jia Yin’s fall as a serious situation. But then again, when the real situation happens to you, you never know what your action would be then. Thus, one’s true nature might be reveled during such situation.

Attitudes - school teenagers

March school holiday just ended. All of us that had been through the secondary school life during our teenage years would remember how the discipline masters would come hounding at us on our attire, hairstyles etc... especially right after the holidays.

An article taken from The New Paper on 23rd Mar this year reported on the different views of a vice-principal, parents and the students regarding disciplinary spot checks after the March school holiday. A lower secondary student from a school located in Sengkang was send out of class after being caught with a unruly hairstyle with long sideburns. Instead of going back to school after the haircut, the student, named Jack (not his real name), decided to have a day off from school instead. For male students that were caught defying the school rules generally had inappropriate hairstyle, while female students were mainly caught for having short skirts that were above knee length. Jack was not the only student who was caught defying the school rules. More than 100 students were also sent out of class to correct their hairstyle and uniform to the attire that fits the school rules. But 42 students did not report back.

The New Paper reported the various views of the strict discipline held by schools. According to the vice-principal of the school, Mr Yong, he felt that it was important for their school to carry out such discipline actions because they would want their students to get the message that dressing properly is a part of being young gentleman and ladies. While other parents felt that unless students had been violating the rules repeatedly, else, students should be given a chance to comply with the rules. On the other hand, another parent felt that it is important for the school to be firm on their stand so as not to lose the moral authority.

Why would teenage students dress in a certain way, having funky, long messy hairstyles and short skirts? One possibility would be students especially during their adolescent years would want to be unique by having an identity that connects them to a certain distinctive group. The student's attitude of a distinctive hairstyle or uniform attire is a like a symbolic function to show and associate themselves with a certain group, thus, serving a value-expressive function.

Another possibility would be students attempt to conform to the norms and values of their main reference groups or the groups they choose to hang out with. Reference group is defined as a group that serves a standard of comparison for an individual, whether in terms of attitudes, values, or behavior. Developmental psychologist reported that as children's exposure to people outside the family increases, peer influences gradually took over parental influences. Thus, during the adolescent years, secondary students would eventually be influenced by their peers especially those in their reference group. In addition, my personal view is, Singapore students being exposed to television programs would tend to imitate idols or television celebrities, thus explaining their different unique hairstyles.

Lastly, to prevent being outcast or ostracized, as well as being jeered or make fun by their fellow schoolmates, students might conform to a certain image despite not wanting to. This is known as conforming, to an image that defied the school rules, so as to escape being jeered. Jeer pressure is referred as a conformity pressure that is produced by seeing someone ridiculed by another person. Thus, students during their adolescent years are rather easily influenced by their peers, to a certain extend.

conformity seen in students securing a place in local university

A recent Saturday Straits Times article reported that students now needs more than just grades so as to secure a place in a local university such as National University of Singapore (NUS), Nanyang Technological University (NTU) and Singapore Management University (SMU). Several reasons for the fight for a place in the local university are, more A-level students as well as polytechnic students are gunning for a degree these days and due to the number of babies born in the year of the Dragon, thus the number of applicants are extremely more during last year as well as this year which was anticipated by some.

Therefore, despite having straight As for their A-level, junior college (JC) students attempting to get into a specialized field such as the medical field are increasing their CVs with volunteer work, competitive sports and co-curricular achievements (CCA).

A student who scored seven As, reported that this was just only the bare minimum must-have for her to enter the medicine course. In addition, the admission people would also looked out for extra abilities a student have. While the 18-year-old student, Susan, increased her chance for a place in the local university by volunteering to helped out in community service expedition to build a library for an orphanage in Laos and working in a free clinic in Singapore, others increased their chances by striving their way up in their ECA, such as being the captain of the club, as well as taking part in international competition and being in the school team. Susan added that, she is not the only one making extra effort to secure a place, everyone in her class are doing the same.

From this newspaper article, conformity can be seen. Conformity is defined as any change in behavior caused by another person or group; the individual acted in some way because of influence from others. As what Susan mentioned, their fellow school mates were also doing voluteering work without having to be requested by organizations. Thus, students are influenced to do volunteering work by other fellow students around them in order to gain reward, which in this case is a better resume and higher chance to enter into the course desired. In social psychology, this is known as normative influence which is defined as the influence from other people that is motivated by a desire to gain rewards or avoid punishment.

On the other hand, other students might conform because of informational influence. Information influence is defined as the influence from other people that is motivated by a desire to be correct and to obtain accurate information. For example, after finishing their A-level, some students might not be sure how to go about increasing their chances to enter the desired course. Therefore, they rely on other student's source of information of doing more volunteering work so as to build up a good resume and impression for the admission people.

Therefore, in conclusion, students conform either because of normative influence or informational influence or both types of influences so as to get the end result of a better resume and a higher chance in attaining a place in their desired course.