Friend or more than friend

Why would two parties get attracted to each other? How did they developed a closer relationship after attraction?

A couple of concepts such as propinquity, similarity and self-disclosure gives an idea on how attraction might occurs.

Propinquity refers to the proximity in physical space which creates the opportunity in meeting another person. The opportunity for interaction, known as functional distance, is more important in establishing mutual friendship.

Attitude similarity determines if two party like each other and whether they would disclose personal details about themselves, known as self-disclosure. Attitude-similarity effect is defined as the idea that people find others more attractive and well like when others have similar attitudes, beliefs and preference as them.

Attraction is said to be the initial step before a close relationship is developed through friends.

Intimacy can be seen in a close relationship when a person felt that another party is able to understand, validate, and cares. For intimacy to occurs, self-disclosure is said to be an important factor as it increases the understanding of the other party's needs. Being able to respond correctly to the person's feelings and needs will also develop a closer relationship. Lastly, ability in understanding the person's thoughts and experiences accurately would further heighten the relationship. This concept is known as empathic accuracy.

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An article from the section "mind your body" in The Straits Time dated March 19, 2006 discussed about the issue on whether a married person striking up a close friendship with someone of the opposite gender meant anything.

From the article, it was said that people tend to notice when a married person develops a close friendship with another of the opposite gender. In addition, these perceptions were said not to be ignored as people do tend to have an affair through close friendship. People look for a mate that is similar to them in terms of factors such as views, values, attractiveness, and intelligence. Likewise, people also look for these factors in a friend. Friendship and romantic relationship have a tendency of having an overlapping criteria. Friendship that leads to romance happens because what people looks for in a mate overlaps with what people looks for in a friendship. A psychology professor at the University o f Wisconsin stated that companionship, intimacy and, often validation are factors that attracted the opposite gender. Thus, giving good reasons why husbands and wives feels unease about the temptations around their spouses as other attractions could results in complications for their marriage.

The article also briefly mentioned about the characteristics of a poacher. Base on personality scales, poachers are seen as disagreeable, unconscientious and unfaithful people and that the see themselves as sexually attractive. On the other hand, people that were successfully being attracted to another, known as poachee, is said to be extroverted, open to experience, attractive and unfaithful. Both seems to lack empathy, morality and are neurotic.

Suggested interventions to prevent being tempted are such as, putting a picture of your spouse on the desk and talk a lot about them, women should make a point in meeting their male friend's wife and men in meeting a woman friend's husband, and to silence wagging tongues, opposite-gender "just friends" should avoid sharing food over lunch or standing too close to each other.

In conclusion, a close friendship that leads to a romantic relationship or an affair when the party is married, is said to happen if two party shares a close proximity during work which develops into an opportunity for interaction. Similarity between two parties could also lead to deeper attraction between them. Intimacy is said to be seen in closer relationship among friends as they share with each other more personal stuffs, self-disclosure. Responding to the other party's needs and understanding their needs accurately would also reinforce the relationship that the party shares. Thus, there are sufficient reasons for people to be worried about their spouses close relationship with another.